Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
