you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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