Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
