Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would ride that face into the sunset
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
