A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
