I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
