I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize