what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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