I feel like abortions should bother me more
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
