Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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