Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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