worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
