She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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