how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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