Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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