please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
