Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
