last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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