your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
