so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
