It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
