Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
