I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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