you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
