I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
