sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
