Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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