My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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