He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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