hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
