If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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