3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
