I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
