Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
