So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
