guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
home. puking in laundry basket.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
