you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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