I want to make a zoo with you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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