the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
