yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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