I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
