i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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