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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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