We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
