I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
