We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
