I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
