dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
