never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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