I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
