Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
