Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
