who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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