I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
