I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
