If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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