I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
