Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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