I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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