i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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