i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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