People in love make me want to vomit
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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