It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
