I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize