Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
