So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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