I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
