Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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