The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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