I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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